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Twenty-five years ago, as a parent educator, I began reading about the dangers of praise. I was completely shocked by what I was learning: praise is not good for kids. How could that be? So I spent years talking with experts, reading about the effects of praise, and finally decided to close the door on praise and focus on building an encouraging family.
Even today, with many studies available to parents, I still hear people say, “How can that be? How can saying ‘Good job’ or ‘You’re smart’ be bad?” I understand. It can be a difficult habit to break.
If we tell a boy “You are smart!” when he brings home an A in his math test, how does he feel when he comes home with a D? If we’ve told him that he is smart, then he will more likely feel a failure when he struggles with homework—“I’m supposed to be smart. Why can’t I do this?”
Praise trains children to depend on constant feedback on what a “great job” they are doing. This dependency damages children’s confidence. Praise trains children to ask, “Do you like it?” “Did I do a good job?” They begin to believe that what others think is more important than what they think about their achievements and mistakes.
Praise breaks the relationship between parents and children. Without even realizing it, parents may be using praise as a tool to direct the child’s behavior. The message is clear — I approve of you when you ... and I don’t approve of you when you ... Living with this kind of constant judgment damages the relationship.
The solution to the problem of praise is encouragement. Encouragement can be given at any time, to anyone, in any situation. It is a comment, an acknowledgment, a statement that focuses on effort, improvement or choice. Hearing “You are smart!” can leave a child at a loss when they don’t do well. Using “That took a lot of work to come home with an A in your test …” gives a child the chance to be something else.
24. What can be inferred from the first two paragraphs?
A. Many parents can’t get on well with their children.
B. The author never shows any approval to his children.
C. The author spent 25 years changing people’s opinion on praise.
D. It’s hard for many parents to believe praise is harmful.
25. According to the passage, it seems that parents’ praise ______.
A. can lead to children’s being smart
B. helps them get along well with their children
C. is a good tool to educate their children
D. might have just the opposite effect
26. Which of the following is a good example of encouragement?
A. You didn’t think you could finish on time, but you did.
B. You are the best artist I have ever seen.
C. You have a problem and you have to fix it.
D. You are very good at math.
27. What can be the best title for the passage?
A. A study on praise and encouragement
B. Mind your words when praising your children
C. Replace praise with your encouragement
D. The difference between praise and encouragement
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