五、表達不準確

這里所說的“表達不準確”指譯者理解似乎沒有問題，但由于英語水平所限，在翻譯時個別地方詞不達意或句子結(jié)構(gòu)容易造成誤解。

1. 開展了創(chuàng)建全國無障礙設施建設示范城（區(qū)）活動，北京、上海、天津等12個城市被確定為首批全國無障礙設施建設示范城（區(qū)）創(chuàng)建城市。

A campaign to build demonstration cities/districts of barrier-free facilities is being carried out around the country, and 12 cities, including Beijing, Shanghai and Tianjin, have been listed among the first to build such bases.

問題：譯文第二句與原文第二句意思上出入很大。原文是說“北京等12個城市已經(jīng)成為全國無障礙設施建設示范城市”，而譯文的大意是說“北京等12個城市已被列入首批將要建造無障礙設施的城市之中，而且這類城市還不止12個。”此外，還存在表達累贅的情況。建議改為：and 12 cities, including Beijing, Shanghai and Tianjin, have been designated as such models.

2. 同時，建立老齡事業(yè)統(tǒng)計指標體系和老齡統(tǒng)計工作制度，為制定規(guī)劃和完善督查評估工作提供基礎數(shù)據(jù)。

It has also established a system of statistical indices for undertakings for the aged and a statistical work system which will provide basic data to help the formulation of plans, supervision and evaluation in this field.

問題：雖然本句譯文沒有像原文那樣重復“老齡”，但由于for undertakings for the aged位置不當，容易給人一種誤解，以為a statistical work system是另外一種性質(zhì)的制度，導致譯文與原文意思出入，不如將其提到句首。另外，從上下文看，這兩個體系應該已經(jīng)發(fā)揮提供數(shù)據(jù)的功能，所以使用一般將來時態(tài)也不準確，不如改為表示目的的動詞不定式短語，從而避免歧義。建議全句改為For undertakings for the aged, it has also established statistical indices and a statistical work system aimed at providing basic data for the formulation of plans and the improvement of supervision and evaluation.

3. 國家通過政策和輿論引導等多種形式，積極營造發(fā)展老齡事業(yè)的社會環(huán)境，引導全社會關心、支持和參與老齡事業(yè)的發(fā)展。

Through policies and public opinion guidance, the state is actively engaged in creating a social environment for the development of undertakings for the aged, leading the public at large to be concerned with, support and participate in the development of undertakings for the aged.

問題：把本句中的“關心”翻譯成be concerned with，不符合原意。Be concerned with sth意思是“關于某事”，因此應改為care about比較準確。另外，這句也存在表達累贅問題，可以把后一個the development of undertakings for the aged簡化為such undertakings。

六、分段不符合英語思維模式

在英文版中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)將中文版的一段分隔成兩段以上的情況。這種做法原則上是可以的，因為中文里有時一段話涉及到兩個以上的主題，而英文中，一個好的段落一般只圍繞一個主題展開。該白皮書英文版有的段落在這點上處理得非常好。如：

中國的老齡事業(yè)取得的成就有目共睹。但是，作為有著13億人口的發(fā)展中國家，中國的老齡事業(yè)還存在著問題和不足。例如，老齡法律法規(guī)還不夠健全，侵害老年人合法權(quán)益的現(xiàn)象時有發(fā)生；社會保障制度尚需完善，一些城鎮(zhèn)生活困難老年人的保障水平較低，部分農(nóng)村老年人口的貧困問題還比較突出；全社會尊老敬老的社會氛圍有待于進一步形成，等等。在中國，解決好老齡問題，促進老齡事業(yè)不斷發(fā)展，任務十分艱巨。當前，中國老年人口正以年均約3%的速度增長，面對日益嚴峻的人口老齡化挑戰(zhàn)，中國政府將積極采取更加有效的戰(zhàn)略措施，努力推動老齡事業(yè)與經(jīng)濟社會協(xié)調(diào)發(fā)展，促進老年人共享經(jīng)濟社會發(fā)展成果。

China has made obvious achievements in its undertakings for the aged. However, as a developing country with a population of 1.3 billion, China still has problems and shortcomings in the work concerning elderly people. For example, laws and regulations concerning senior citizens need further improvement, and there are still acts infringing on the legitimate rights and interests of elderly people; the social security system is yet to be perfected; elderly people with difficulties in their everyday lives in some urban areas do not have adequate social security; the problem of impoverished elderly people in some rural areas is still conspicuous; and a social atmosphere of respecting elderly people needs to be further developed.

In China, the task of solving problems concerning elderly people and continuously promoting the development of undertakings for the aged remains an arduous one. At present, the population of senior citizens in China is growing by three percent every year. Facing the growing challenge of the ageing population, the Chinese government will adopt more effective strategies to promote the undertakings for the aged in coordination with economic and social development, in order to enable senior citizens to share the fruits of economic and social development.

明顯可以看出，上述中文段落涉及兩方面主題：“成就”和“問題”。英文版按照英語思維模式，作了分段處理，每一段都以一個主題句開始，這樣做避免了段落過長的缺點，使篇章結(jié)構(gòu)更加合理。然而令人遺憾的是，在該白皮書的英文版中，這一原則卻沒有得到自始至終的貫徹，有的地方隨意性太強。

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