五、表達(dá)不準(zhǔn)確

這里所說(shuō)的“表達(dá)不準(zhǔn)確”指譯者理解似乎沒(méi)有問(wèn)題，但由于英語(yǔ)水平所限，在翻譯時(shí)個(gè)別地方詞不達(dá)意或句子結(jié)構(gòu)容易造成誤解。

1. 開(kāi)展了創(chuàng)建全國(guó)無(wú)障礙設(shè)施建設(shè)示范城（區(qū)）活動(dòng)，北京、上海、天津等12個(gè)城市被確定為首批全國(guó)無(wú)障礙設(shè)施建設(shè)示范城（區(qū)）創(chuàng)建城市。

A campaign to build demonstration cities/districts of barrier-free facilities is being carried out around the country, and 12 cities, including Beijing, Shanghai and Tianjin, have been listed among the first to build such bases.

問(wèn)題：譯文第二句與原文第二句意思上出入很大。原文是說(shuō)“北京等12個(gè)城市已經(jīng)成為全國(guó)無(wú)障礙設(shè)施建設(shè)示范城市”，而譯文的大意是說(shuō)“北京等12個(gè)城市已被列入首批將要建造無(wú)障礙設(shè)施的城市之中，而且這類城市還不止12個(gè)。”此外，還存在表達(dá)累贅的情況。建議改為：and 12 cities, including Beijing, Shanghai and Tianjin, have been designated as such models.

2. 同時(shí)，建立老齡事業(yè)統(tǒng)計(jì)指標(biāo)體系和老齡統(tǒng)計(jì)工作制度，為制定規(guī)劃和完善督查評(píng)估工作提供基礎(chǔ)數(shù)據(jù)。

It has also established a system of statistical indices for undertakings for the aged and a statistical work system which will provide basic data to help the formulation of plans, supervision and evaluation in this field.

問(wèn)題：雖然本句譯文沒(méi)有像原文那樣重復(fù)“老齡”，但由于for undertakings for the aged位置不當(dāng)，容易給人一種誤解，以為a statistical work system是另外一種性質(zhì)的制度，導(dǎo)致譯文與原文意思出入，不如將其提到句首。另外，從上下文看，這兩個(gè)體系應(yīng)該已經(jīng)發(fā)揮提供數(shù)據(jù)的功能，所以使用一般將來(lái)時(shí)態(tài)也不準(zhǔn)確，不如改為表示目的的動(dòng)詞不定式短語(yǔ)，從而避免歧義。建議全句改為For undertakings for the aged, it has also established statistical indices and a statistical work system aimed at providing basic data for the formulation of plans and the improvement of supervision and evaluation.

3. 國(guó)家通過(guò)政策和輿論引導(dǎo)等多種形式，積極營(yíng)造發(fā)展老齡事業(yè)的社會(huì)環(huán)境，引導(dǎo)全社會(huì)關(guān)心、支持和參與老齡事業(yè)的發(fā)展。

Through policies and public opinion guidance, the state is actively engaged in creating a social environment for the development of undertakings for the aged, leading the public at large to be concerned with, support and participate in the development of undertakings for the aged.

問(wèn)題：把本句中的“關(guān)心”翻譯成be concerned with，不符合原意。Be concerned with sth意思是“關(guān)于某事”，因此應(yīng)改為care about比較準(zhǔn)確。另外，這句也存在表達(dá)累贅問(wèn)題，可以把后一個(gè)the development of undertakings for the aged簡(jiǎn)化為such undertakings。

六、分段不符合英語(yǔ)思維模式

在英文版中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)將中文版的一段分隔成兩段以上的情況。這種做法原則上是可以的，因?yàn)橹形睦镉袝r(shí)一段話涉及到兩個(gè)以上的主題，而英文中，一個(gè)好的段落一般只圍繞一個(gè)主題展開(kāi)。該白皮書(shū)英文版有的段落在這點(diǎn)上處理得非常好。如：

中國(guó)的老齡事業(yè)取得的成就有目共睹。但是，作為有著13億人口的發(fā)展中國(guó)家，中國(guó)的老齡事業(yè)還存在著問(wèn)題和不足。例如，老齡法律法規(guī)還不夠健全，侵害老年人合法權(quán)益的現(xiàn)象時(shí)有發(fā)生；社會(huì)保障制度尚需完善，一些城鎮(zhèn)生活困難老年人的保障水平較低，部分農(nóng)村老年人口的貧困問(wèn)題還比較突出；全社會(huì)尊老敬老的社會(huì)氛圍有待于進(jìn)一步形成，等等。在中國(guó)，解決好老齡問(wèn)題，促進(jìn)老齡事業(yè)不斷發(fā)展，任務(wù)十分艱巨。當(dāng)前，中國(guó)老年人口正以年均約3%的速度增長(zhǎng)，面對(duì)日益嚴(yán)峻的人口老齡化挑戰(zhàn)，中國(guó)政府將積極采取更加有效的戰(zhàn)略措施，努力推動(dòng)老齡事業(yè)與經(jīng)濟(jì)社會(huì)協(xié)調(diào)發(fā)展，促進(jìn)老年人共享經(jīng)濟(jì)社會(huì)發(fā)展成果。

China has made obvious achievements in its undertakings for the aged. However, as a developing country with a population of 1.3 billion, China still has problems and shortcomings in the work concerning elderly people. For example, laws and regulations concerning senior citizens need further improvement, and there are still acts infringing on the legitimate rights and interests of elderly people; the social security system is yet to be perfected; elderly people with difficulties in their everyday lives in some urban areas do not have adequate social security; the problem of impoverished elderly people in some rural areas is still conspicuous; and a social atmosphere of respecting elderly people needs to be further developed.

In China, the task of solving problems concerning elderly people and continuously promoting the development of undertakings for the aged remains an arduous one. At present, the population of senior citizens in China is growing by three percent every year. Facing the growing challenge of the ageing population, the Chinese government will adopt more effective strategies to promote the undertakings for the aged in coordination with economic and social development, in order to enable senior citizens to share the fruits of economic and social development.

明顯可以看出，上述中文段落涉及兩方面主題：“成就”和“問(wèn)題”。英文版按照英語(yǔ)思維模式，作了分段處理，每一段都以一個(gè)主題句開(kāi)始，這樣做避免了段落過(guò)長(zhǎng)的缺點(diǎn)，使篇章結(jié)構(gòu)更加合理。然而令人遺憾的是，在該白皮書(shū)的英文版中，這一原則卻沒(méi)有得到自始至終的貫徹，有的地方隨意性太強(qiáng)。

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